8 Weird Things Men Do That Drive Women Crazy
What are some of the weird things men do that make women shake their heads in frustration? Although I’ve been a licensed therapist for almost 20 years, I’m also a guy . . . for better or worse. As such, I’m constantly asked why men do and act certain ways.
My answers come from the multitude of men who have been brave enough to work with a therapist, plus my lived experience and personal reflections.
As with many of the topics I write about, I’m neither defending, justifying or rationalizing the behaviors of men. I’m just giving you reasons to consider when you are confronted with our kookiness.
1. Why Do Men Mansplain?
For the uninitiated, mansplaining is when men feel compelled to give way too much information and detail when presented with a simple question or prompt. For example, when a woman complains about the price of gas, she’s not asking for a lecture on geopolitics and economic theory. She’s just frustrated that gas costs so much . . . geez!
Men compelled to mansplain do so because they’re presented with the rare opportunity to project expertise . . . on anything. Men love to feel needed and valued. By demonstrating our deep knowledge on a topic (any topic), we get to feel important. It only lasts for as long as we’re talking…so we keep talking!
Although it can come across as arrogant and misogynistic, it should be noted that it is often impulsive, not a conscious decision. Again, that’s not an excuse—just a fact that a man does not consciously think, I’m sure this inferior human needs a thorough explanation. They can’t possibly know as much as me on this topic and would be better off if they just listened.
Although some men can’t hold back initially, it doesn’t mean they can’t stop themselves after they start. It requires us guys to slow down, read the room and check our assumptions.
2. Why Do Men Sit On The Toilet So Long?
Although some of the questions I get sound silly on the surface, there are deeper topics lying beneath.
I’m no doctor, but I’ve got to believe that a larger human stores more waste and may take longer to evacuate it. Couple that with diets that might be heavier, if meatier and lighter in fiber, and you’ve got the potential for a longer stay in the stinky stall.
With that said, I’m still amazed at how fast women go. I’ve been with women who seem to poop faster than I pee. Anyway . . .
The deeper reason might have to do with why women are annoyed with it in the first place. There is one thing that happens while on the toilet that men crave . . . NOTHING! It is a moment in our day when nobody bothers us. Moms of small children get it—well, those who dare to lock the bathroom door. As stinky and gross as the bathroom might be, it’s a force field against any and all responsibilities. It may be a nasty place to take a break, but hey, it’s a break.
3. Why Do Men Avoid Making Doctor Appointments?
I’m literally writing this after two weeks of my wife asking me the same question. Even though I’m just having knee pain, I’m chuckling at my own resistance.
Men do not like feeling vulnerable, emotionally or physically. Being in a room with the doctor is an extremely vulnerable space. We know that we are the least knowledgeable person in the room during a time when we are experiencing a physical issue. This is not an ideal situation for us.
Another reason is avoidance (or, more honestly, fear). We are afraid of what we’ll learn. What if our issue requires surgery? What if it’s an STD? What if it’s cancer? What if there is no cure? Some guys succumb to the bliss of ignorance over the resolve of knowing.
The other reason is related to the next question. . . .
4. Why Don’t Men Ask for Help?
For some men, asking for help robs them of the satisfaction of accomplishing something on their own. Not to mention that it can feel like an admission of failure. Both of these reasons are more than enough to fuel our persistence to “get ‘er done” on our own.
This rationale can apply to fixing plumbing, programming the remote control, going to the doctor (as mentioned above) or fixing a doohickey around the house . . . that we have no idea how it works.
It can be frustrating to those watching because of A) how pissed off men get when they can’t figure it out, and B) it could have been fixed in a fraction of the time with some help. Someone once said, "Why do something right when you can do it yourself?" I'm betting it was either a man or a woman describing one.
For the women reading this, I offer a little insight into us guys. Although our insistence to not ask for help is born from our need for accomplishment, it is also from our drive to accomplish something on your behalf. We men desperately want women to see us as capable because men value being valued by women. Getting it done on our own makes us feel capable, and (hopefully) valued.
To men, I say that using all resources at your disposal (including the plumber) is part of the accomplishment. So dude, call the plumber!
5. Why Do Men Become Babies When They Have a Cold?
Ah, the “man-cold.” It should be noted that there is some research out there that suggests men physiologically experience colds/flus differently than women. Okay, fine! I’ll give an ounce of latitude for that, but it’s still just a cold!
Here’s my theory. When men are sick, they’re depleted physically and mentally. When any mammal is depleted, they’re vulnerable. There are only a few strategies in this circumstance: hide, attack, or solicit sympathy. Many men choose the latter.
There’s no place to hide when you live with your partner. Attacking is a terrible option. Eliciting and benefitting from a woman’s sympathy feels good. As a result, he regresses to a state of neediness that is in stark contrast to the manly image he usually portrays.
And then there’s “that guy” who does want to be waited on and milks that cold for all its worth.
6. Why Don’t Men Share Household Responsibilities?
As a guy, I needed some clarification from women on what types of responsibilities they were referring to. It turns out that they are talking about the more routine responsibilities, not the special circumstances or emergency repairs that pop up. Think cleaning, cooking and groceries; not car repairs, plumbing and stacking firewood.
Obviously, this complaint does not apply to all men. I grew up in a household where the only woman was our mother and she astutely tossed us yellow rubber gloves and said, “I’m the only one here shooting from point-blank range, so you guys are going to clean your own bathrooms.” Fair!
However, some men marinated in a household where domestic chores were largely relegated to someone else. Maybe these men were taught to mow lawns, stack wood and other projects, but these were not daily chores. Somehow they were conditioned to expect that someone else would take care of the daily mundane stuff.
Some men get their act together when the move out on their own. They learn to appreciate the consequences of not sharing in chores (e.g. pissed off roommate and shame when guests arrive…especially dates). However, some men are all too happy to fall back into a default of early expectations of someone else doing the work. It’s hard to get the marinade out of the meat.
And for guys reading this, women don’t want your HELP with chores. They want you to take the same initiative you expect of them in JUST DOING the chores because they need to be done. If you truly believe that certain domestic chores are for women, just be mature enough to make this expectation clear early in the dating process. Don’t bait-and-switch!
7. Why Do Men Find Farts So Funny?
I gotta be honest, even the question makes me giggle like a 4th grader! The first reaction of most men is, “Why don’t women think they’re funny???”
Frankly, the answer is very straight-forward: If you primarily get a positive reaction for a behavior, you’ll give a positive reaction in return. If men learned early that farts make people laugh, then men will laugh when people fart.
If you watch videos online of babies farting, the infant (male or female) expresses both surprise and relief. They are in shock that their bodies can do that and relieved by the release of pressure. Universally, infant farts are met with surprise and laughter . . . from both men and women. We all laugh with the infant because we don’t wan them to feel ashamed or that they upset us.
Bottom lie: The initial comedy of farting gets reinforced and rewarded for many boys while getting criticized for many girls. By the time these boys grow into men, the template is hardened and even a reference to farting makes them giggle . . . like this question did to me.
8. Why Do Men Take Cringy Pictures for Dating Sites?
This one cracks me up because of how true it is, in general. I spent my fair share of time on dating sites. Although I didn’t have the “cringy” photos, I wasn’t doing myself any favors . . . until I got help. But we’ll get to that in my recommendations.
The cringy photos women tell me about include: the guy who caught a fish (or some other dead animal), a mirror shot in the bathroom to show their abs, a shot that shows their car or motorcycle, the stern/serious look, shots from the gym. Although they aren’t inappropriate, they don’t have the effect they hope for.
So why do so many use them? Keep in mind that they are privately hope the same thing women hope…that someone will find them attractive. Their problem comes down to one of the grand assumptions men make. In this case, it is the assumption of what attracts women.
Some men value the ability to explore, survive and conquer nature. Because they find this appealing, they assume women do too. Therefore, he’ll put a photo of himself with the fish he caught, deer he hunted, etc. Plenty of women are attracted to men who are outdoorsy, but they’re not as impressed with what was killed or caught as men think. A peaceful shot of you hiking or taking in the view of the lake goes a lot further.
Men who post the body shot in the bathroom or bedroom are insinuating, “This is the body you’re going to have sex with and the room where we’ll do it.” Those shots barely work on sites designed just for hookups. They totally backfire on sites where people are looking for partners. If you want her to know what kind of body you have, just use photos where your clothes flatter your physique. Women can figure out the rest.
Oh, how we love our cars! A car can give a man a tremendous sense of pride. Some feel it symbolizes their success and capabilities. The photo screams, “Look what I have and look what you’ll be seen in!” Again, men are assuming that women value what men value. Although some women care what kind of car men drive, their first priority is he’s cute, nice and safe. They’ll learn about your car when you pick them up on a date . . . assuming you can get a date with those cringy photos.
I could go on with more examples, but the underlying reason for these cringy photos is that men assume what women find attractive. What men often fail to do is learn and adjust to what women ACTUALLY find attractive in a profile.
Recommended Dating Site Selfies for Men
The advice for men is simple and, dare I say, guaranteed! Find a non-romantic female in your life (sister, neighbor, friend, coworker, etc.) and have her A) go through your dating site profile, B) choose the photos (and order), C) take photos (let her choose the setting, clothes, lighting and angles).
Women know what women are looking for . . . period! If you’re looking for a woman who wants a hunter, who drives a nice car and walks around with his shirt off . . . go for it. They’re out there, but they are few and far between.
Men do a lot of weird things that drive women crazy. Most don’t have the vocabulary or personal insight to explain why. The reasons range from maturity to societal norms to psychological matters.
Understanding the reasons why men do what we do doesn’t change male behavior, but it can provide some perspective and guidance on how to handle it. Some reasons explain how we men are wired biologically, some explain how we were raised, others how we are reinforced by society. All of the reasons are just explanations, not excuses.
Want more relationship guidance from a licensed therapist? Contact me to schedule a free consultation.
Josh Batista, MA, LMFT, is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Los Angeles and author who writes no-nonsense insights for understanding men and relationships. He specializes in counseling men resistant to therapy, couples and executives. If you're struggling with relationship issues, visit joshbatistamft.com to request a free consultation.